Thank God for The Emerald Isle

Well folks, this is my first real post of the new year. And to commemorate the occasion, I'm going to give you more than just a peek through the keyhole...I'm leaving the whole door ajar. That means....story time!

A year ago yesterday, I set out on the biggest adventure of my life (thus far).

I set out for Minneapolis/St. Paul International Airport with a ginormous suitcase, backpack, and laptop bag and boarded a plane that would take me first to Chicago, then onward to Ireland.

It is absolutely mind-blowing to think that that was already a year ago. It's also mind-blowing to think about everything that has changed since then. Namely, relationship status, living situation, and overall view of self.

When I left for Ireland, I was "technically" single (sore subject...very, very sore subject...), was living with two "friends" who ignored me the majority of the time, and was generally in a very dark place in regards to myself. It was really just...not a good point in my life.

Interestingly, I had never intended on studying abroad. I was always of the mindset that, if I'm going to travel somewhere, I want to actually be able to see things without still having school and homework to worry about. But, when my dear friend Chris suggested that we say screw it to the stuff getting us down at SLU and spend a semester abroad, it just made sense.

In case you haven't realized this based on the last 2 paragraphs, I will just come out and admit it: Yes, I went abroad to escape my problems. Call me a coward, call me immature, call me passive-aggressive, whatever-- I've called myself all those same names anyway.

To be fair though, that wasn't entirely the reason I went. Large part, but not entire. You know the "not a good point in my life" I mentioned earlier? Yeah, that started in the Spring of '09. Stuff just kind of went to shit (thank you, entrance of a certain person into my life...again, sore subject), and I really, really, really didn't even want to go back to SLU. Especially when things continued to get worse, rather than better, over the summer and into the fall. Thus, when Chris brought up study abroad, it seemed like the perfect way to get the time away from SLU that I needed.

Well, since I hadn't actually been planning on studying abroad, I didn't have anything ready to go. I'm pretty sure, all told, I got together everything I needed in about 3 days. THREE DAYS!! When everyone else going abroad had been preparing for months!

Luckily, I've mastered the art of procrastination, and was thus able to fill out paperwork, get recommendations, expedite renewal of my passport, and take care of all the other miscellaneous stuff that went along with going abroad in a few short days. It was intense...and not without a couple of breakdowns, of course.

Thanksgiving was weird. My parents came down, and we moved almost everything of mine out of my apartment. The roommates barely noticed. After Thanksgiving, it was like everything was moving in warp speed.

The last two weeks at SLU were just a whirlwind of trepidation about what was to come in Ireland, and what would result afterward, writing papers and preparing for tests, and trying to pretend like everything was ok when it really wasn't--especially when the weekend of my 21st birthday resulted in me accompanying someone to the hospital.

Awesome end to the semester. Really.

Somehow I got through that, got through break, managed to pack for 5 months the night before I was leaving, and the next thing I knew I was in the airport waiting to fly to Chicago to meet up with Chris.

After a couple hours chilling in Chicago's airport, Chris and I embarked upon our flight to Ireland. Loooong flight. Which, unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your opinion of what to do to avoid jet lag) neither of us really slept during. Consequently, we were exhausted when we got to Ireland.

Even in our exhaustion though, we managed to make our way through immigration (where the guy who cleared me into the country ended up being the same guy to clear everything for me to leave...and he remembered me!!), get train tickets to Galway, and get to our apartments from the city center. Which actually resulted in schlepping copious amounts of luggage over gravel for awhile. Fun!

Upon reaching our apartments, we discovered we had no heat. So we were tired, hungry, far from home, and cold. Bad combo. Luckily, the hunger was fixable, and one of Chris's flatmates walked into town with us to get dinner.

From then on, things were just kind of a blur. Actually, that's a lie. I honestly remember everything about those 5 months extremely vividly, but to recount everything for you would take too much time, and really, it wouldn't mean the same to you as it does to me.

In those months, I met some absolutely amazing people...and I mean amazing in every way possible. Aside from Chris, I didn't know any of the other people from SLU who went to Ireland. Two I had class with before, but didn't know them outside of that, so I can't really say I knew them.

But oh my goodness. I could not have asked to have wound up with better people. My mom has always argued for the existence of what she calls "earth angels"-- people who come into your life at just the right time, and make such an impact that, even if you never talk to them again, you never forget them. You know they were supposed to be in your life, even if for just a short time.

The people I met in Ireland definitely ended up being earth angels for me. And Chris proved--repeatedly--that he's one for me as well.

Anywho. In 4 1/2 short months, I learned more than I ever could have hoped to. Not just in my classes, which actually did challenge me (well, my Spanish classes at least), but about myself, about life, about the world.

I've talked before about how I never feel like a grown up. Well, Ireland was the first time I ever felt like I might be capable of more than I think. Yes, I've moved before. Yes, I went out of state for college. But really, I've never been on my own. My parents have always been an easy phone call away, and ready to calm me down when I need it. In Ireland, though, it was just me.

Any situation that came up, I had to get myself through it. It may not sound like much, but it was a huge independence thing for me. I finally realized that I can take care of myself, and I think that's something I really needed to know.

My time had its ups and downs, which is to be expected, but for the most part, that 4 1/2 months was the most content I think I've ever been. Or at least the most content I'd been for a very, very long time.

In those few short months, I also managed to travel to 11 different countries (one by myself!), which was unbelievable. Seriously.

Now, like I said, a lot has changed since then. When I got back, I had a boy waiting for me...which I really didn't expect to happen. Things are good there. I ended up being assigned to an apartment--in the complex I've wanted for the past 3 years!--with some absolutely wonderful girls, which I am so so SO thankful for!! Honestly, this is the best living situation I've had in my time at SLU.

But most of all? I've changed since then. I know it sounds cheesy and cliché, but Ireland really did help me find myself...or at least figure out a little bit better who I want to be. I'm more confident in myself in all regards, and feel like I've developed both a strength and a patience that I didn't know I had before. I feel a lot more self-sufficient than I did a year ago, and I've finally hit a point where I'm actually taking care of me.

And, as much as I say I'm still not a grown up, I've been told countless times since my return that I seem more mature. So I guess that's a start, haha.

I may still be as neurotic, high strung, and emotional as I was before, but I think I keep it balanced a little better now. Or at least I try to keep it more in check, which is good.

For the first time in years, I can honestly say that I am happy. Not trying to be--I actually am. Life may not be perfect, but I'm a lot better at dealing with the imperfections (still not great at it, but working on it).

So for all of that, I thank God for the Emerald Isle, and the time I was blessed to be able to spend there.

I'll never forget you, Ireland...and I'll be back someday.